I wish there was a shorter way to say that I'm rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. I say it all the time and just need a shorter way.

Convinced someone made up OMG to avoid saying the Lord's name in vain. #utahupbringing #mormonconspiracies

@timjcoulter how much do you love church bells & american beer now?

@YukoFinnegan920 Yeah, so you're not from Utah.

If Michelle Bachmann were to win the presidency, would her husband Marcus still be First Lady? #SeemsPrettyTakeiToMe

@chrissyteigen your tweets & photos of food/puddy/pippa make my twitter reading more entertaining clapclapclapclapclap

Huntsman simply says things everybody knows, and he contradicts all the other GOP candidates.

@chrissyteigen either puddy is a mouth breathing twitter fiend or someone's impersonating your pets. #imforthemouthbreather

Boy, when they legalize pot there's gonna be the exact same people smoking pot.

Just finished the original Book of Mormon. The play is funnier.

Slash is 46 years old. #leatherpants

"Fuckin' nailed it!" - Ryan Seacrest this morning watching himself on DVR

So either Barbra Streisand is a muppet or Dark Crystal's a fantasy Funny Girl.....

I can't tell if this is trolling or not...they can't really be serious. #RepubGirlProbz

Very happy to see Proposition 8 overturned. Even happier to see bigots mad about that.

Yummy Dragonfly Chai at the REI Pearl rest stop! #WorstDayRide #WDYR lockerz.com/s/183159719

REI bike mechanics working their magic. #WDYR #WorstDayRide lockerz.com/s/183162412

"Do you ever feel like you're being watched?" - paranoid whale

Happy 9th Birthday, Ja Rule! #leapday

Standing On Top of the World! Px @Astro_Aggie took of me yesterday duirng our spacewalk Nice view of Persian Gulf http://twitpic.com/5per7w