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I’m feeling rather proud at the moment as our son Trevor has just returned from an all nude wedding where he was within inches of being the best man. 😊

Unfortunately Rons mumbled request to see his dog, Fanny, for the last time was misheard....but he died a happy man.

I bought the Count something called a ‘Fitbit’ hoping that it would improve things. He wore it for a few days but it kept slipping off so he’s got it on his arm now instead.

Sissy looks perplexed, Doris is disgusted and Flossy looks away as a man strolls down the beach without a vest on.

I am pleased and honoured to announce that our local pub has been renamed after yours truly. ‘The Countesses Legs’ will be open every evening, twice on Christmas Day and continuously on the Counts birthday. Hot specialities will also be available but pre booking is advisable.

We were supposed to be heading off to Venice this weekend for Jeff’s wedding but Amazon have lost the hat I ordered.🫤

Stan Peacock points out to a weary Len Bishop the road they should have taken to get to the pub.

As the tide comes in Bob Bailey quickly serves a couple more customers before the water reaches his Mivvis.

Sid Scollop strikes up what he considers to be a babe pulling beach pose only to be called a dickhead by a passing stranger.

Sally informs Ted Treacle that they’ll need to adopt a more conventional position next time.

Chip shop owner Betty Bung informs Len Bishop that the doctors surgery is actually upstairs but she recognises a battered sausage when she sees one and suggests some ointment and a change of habit.

Sid Shilling just moments before his wife waded in and clouted him for a shouted compliment regarding a pair of puppies.

Ode to Cultivation: We went down to our greenhouse To clear away some junk The Count got out his dibber But his bulbs had withered and shrunk Our gardener Tom was passing So we left the Count forlorn And went and got Toms hose out To sprinkle my front lawn.

Song Origins: During the early 70s Simon & Garfunkel would pop over now and again for a game of cards. On one such occasion Paul had a bad urinary infection and I suggested we didn’t play but he said he didn’t want to ruin the evenings Bridge over troubled water.

Song Origins No.2 In 1977 the Count was driving around Ireland with Paul McCartney when they unfortunately got a puncture. They slowly made their way to a little town called ‘Mulokin’ which, luckily, had a tyre shop.

Song Origins No.3 In 1973 whilst sunbathing naked with Tina Turner on the outskirts of Norwich I accidentally sat on some cashews and inspired the song Nutbush City Limits.

Sally informs Tom Dimmock that his trunks are floating under the diving board but doesn’t need to ask him if the water is cold.

The Count went into town earlier as he was looking to buy another Ferrari but has just phoned to say he won’t be returning in one as he has a hernia. I said I didn’t care what it was as long as it’s red with alloy wheels. Oh how we laughed ( well he couldn’t but I did ).

Thanks ⁦⁦Cadbury UK⁩ if our hamster ever fancies Brunch I’ll know what to get it. 😊👍

Had a bit of a kerfuffle at the garden centre today when the Count unbelievably managed to entangle himself in his zip after using their toilets. I said it must have been one of those Penis Fly Traps. Oh how we laughed ( well I did anyway ). 😊