When I was a kid there were urban legends of VHS tapes called “Faces of Death” that had video of people tragically dying. And now that happens every time I open Twitter.

Kids are always say low-key serial killer things. My son just got a book about sharks and it came with a fake tooth, now he’s walking around telling people he wants a collection of teeth.

Happy Thanksgiving! If you work in news don’t forget to bring extra Tupperware.

I once applied for a job with a company and didn’t get it. But now they email me opening they think I’m qualified for and it’s always something like forklift operator or delivery driver. And that’s a level of petty that I kind of respect.

How do I know my wife grew up rich? She thinks the fruit drink is called Caprese Sun

I don’t remember Christmas hurting my back so much.

When it’s Twelfth Night, but the only king cake you could get was a Rouses.

Rouses is currently leading the voting for Best King Cake. If they win, it will be the second biggest coup that Donald Rouse has been involved in.

Ash Wednesday in the streets, Valentine’s Day in the sheets 💘

I wonder how that would taste. Torre Josey Doug Mouton

Guys, the third smallest size at Hansen’s is $6.50.

During a routine conversation today, my Mom referred to a high school prom as a “promenade.”

Blue Bell commercial - Song: 🎶Remember when grandma gave you a bowl of her homemade ice cream and a warm hug🎶 Announcer: Try our new flavor, we took Mountain Dew Baja Blast and mixed it with Cool Ranch Doritos!!! Song: 🎶Blue Bell tastes just like the good ol’ days🎶

My dad called the movie “Liverpool and Wolverine.”

How do you know your kids are from New Orleans? My wife asked my daughter to see if the Thanksgiving Parade had started and she ran and looked out the window.

Attorney: And how would you describe the way the suspects were dancing? Witness: You know… sorta merrily… in a new… yet old-fashioned kinda way.

I got an air fryer for Christmas. So, if you come over for a visit, don’t be surprised to find my house smells of freshly burnt food.

Hardware stores are all out of insulation, but if you’re looking for something to wrap your pipes in, Rouses still has a lot of king cakes.

The two ways people in New Orleans dress for the snow.