Imagine Dragons is Utah’s Nickelback

“Religion is just organized book club” -Allie Jones

Let’s all start calling our fathers “papa” like little British lads from the 19th century looking for a meager bowl of porridge. That could be fun for us

Just changed my Venmo profile pic feeling on top of the world

You can smell a Subway from a mile away

I love journalism

Can’t imagine the shame of finding out your child is the one that bites all the other kids in preschool

The call of the void is strong tonight

Little kids always be saying “blood” weird like “BhLuwDD”

Oh, to have the reckless, lawless, chaotic power of a Disney Channel stylist in the late 2000s

THE Trader Joe has died. Don’t text

Can’t remember the last time I had an interesting thought

Woke up and it smelled like a Baskin Robbins in 2006

I never know which finger is my index finger. How do u know the difference?

I honestly don’t know what I’d do if someone ever referred to me as a “handsome woman”

Where does the mcrib keep going? It’s always coming back from somewhere

I’m a big yep girl. Love saying yep. Yeah? No. Yep.

What song are they dancing to? Wrong answers only.