''Fucking hell referee, sort it out! Some of us have got work on Monday for fuck sake!''

If you ever get called fat on the football pitch, just reply; "I'm fat because every time I shag your Mum she gives me a biscuit!"

To anyone who has ever made a foul throw; "Back to basics in training on Tuesday lads."

When warming up, the first player who shoots over spends the next 10 minutes fetching everyone else's missed shots!

Sunday league rule no.19. Every ginger lad gets called "Scholesy" by the opposition team.

4-0 down at half time; "It's okay lads we've got the wind second half."

SUNDAY LEAGUE FOOTY FACT: There's a big bald bloke in every team and he's won every header since 1998.

I'm playing Football Chairman and I'm trying to get Sterling fc to the top! football-chairman.com

Champions! I just guided Sterling fc to 1st place in Non-League C football-chairman.com

Get in! I just guided Sterling fc to 3rd place in Non-League B football-chairman.com

Getting tackled and immediately turning around and shouting.. "Where the fuck was the man on?"

Promoted again! I just guided Sterling fc to 3rd place in Non-League A football-chairman.com

If we get 10 retweets then Dave and Mason start up front on Sunday #MAXON

Give us a retweet for this legend

Three lions on a shirt.

Sterling boys fc 3-0 firth park fc ⚽️⚽️S.NIxon ⚽️ Charlesworth M.o.m jones #uts

Chantry fc 2-12 sterling boysfc ⚽️⚽️⚽️⚽️ s.nixon ⚽️⚽️⚽️ j.charlesworth ⚽️⚽️D.Nixon ⚽️. R.Wild ⚽️B.Jones ⚽️D.Young MOM J.Charlesworth

Gypsy queen fc 2-2 sterling boys fc ⚽️Charlesworth ⚽️S.NIxon M.o.m Goulding

Sterlingvent calendar door 18 Behind door 18 is midfield hardman @yeardo8 sporting his new hair cut #joesphyobo