Wish him well! barelyadventist.com/40-year-old-ad…

Adventist culprits barelyadventist.com/burger-king-to…

Start filling up that baptismal tank barelyadventist.com/new-rule-adven…

Attempting to pitch old school liberal Adventist views to today’s young Adventists is a bit like trying to convince them that dial-up internet is the future of connectivity. It’s a tough sell, and here’s why. barelyadventist.com/why-old-school…

In a groundbreaking theological discovery, a local Adventist church has unveiled a revolutionary approach to faith: ditch the doctrine, embrace the feels! READ MORE barelyadventist.com/local-church-d…

Top 5 Signs You’re More Belshazzar Than You Think (Spoiler Alert: We All Are a Little Bit) barelyadventist.com/top-5-signs-yo…

Survey: Most Adventists Don't Actually Know What They Believe (But They're Sure Everyone Else is Wrong) barelyadventist.com/survey-most-ad…

Family Excited to be Missionaries Wherever Jesus Leads - as Long as it’s in Hawaii barelyadventist.com/family-excited…

7 Reasons to Lay Off Pastor’s Kids barelyadventist.com/7-reasons-to-l…

GC Recommends Extra Long Skirts for Maximum Modesty During Time of Trouble barelyadventist.com/gc-recommends-…

Everybody panic!!! barelyadventist.com/adventist-town…

Pastors Forbidden From Driving “Politically Polarizing” Priuses or Pickups During Election Season barelyadventist.com/pastors-forbid…

GC Session Entirely Dedicated to Generating List of Sabbath-Approved Cartoons What should make the list? barelyadventist.com/next-gc-sessio…

The subject line, “Sabbath Pulse Check,” instructed members to submit five bullet points by Monday midnight, cc’ing their local pastors, with a stern warning: “No reply equals no potluck privileges.” READ MORE barelyadventist.com/2025/02/24/gc-…

Donald Trump’s latest AI-generated video unveiled a towering golden statue of himself in a glitzy, reimagined Gaza Strip—and demanded that everyone worship it. “Bow down, folks! It’s tremendous, it’s huge—worship it or you’re out!” barelyadventist.com/2025/02/27/tru…

“I’m not here to endorse Moderna, mandates, or anything that comes with a QR code and a side effect list longer than Leviticus,” Vine said in a statement, holding up a dog-eared copy of The Great Controversy for emphasis. READ MORE barelyadventist.com/2025/02/26/vin…

The group hug doctrine, dubbed “Fundamental Belief 1: Squeeze Tight,” passed with a 98% approval rate after a two-hour debate that mostly involved passing around a ukulele and a kale smoothie. barelyadventist.com/2025/03/18/cal…

barelyadventist.com/2016/06/07/par…

Ahhh… Adventist romance…