When I was born they tossed me into a bin labeled 'No good', but then they fished me out, handed me a cane and a top hat, and told me I'd make it in show biz. I think I was tossed head first I'm so sleepy all the time, And violent. Bring me my tap shoes, I feel a song coming on

on her chopped ex husband’s birthday…. oh cuntress

the most beautiful anyone has ever looked

Handmade my Halloween costume if anyone gives af

Do not host a Saturday Night Live themed costume party…. Boygenius as Troye Sivan slept with Dick in a Box… Fred Armisen I am your mother threw up in the recycling bin

my cheney, he was just a fucking kid 💔

minneapolis rn

thanks dad

Trying to contact someone who regularly deletes all socials… bitch don’t play I’ll send a pigeon

Yeah no way a Keith can handle all that

whatever Ayo said about sitting

HA!

My brother used to use me as target practice by slap shotting hockey pucks at me while I ran around the backyard

Really beautiful thing to find out the Minneapolis Parks department has a Leslie Knope

Sean Hayes is probably so fucking geeked rn

Mormons for some reason #dwts

..✍️tap.. ✍️dancing…. ✍️is.. too✍️ woke…

Morning run around a college I don’t go to, asserting dominance on these nerds

Help, the Yale seniors are discussing their post grad job starting salary offers, I’m hearing numbers not invented in the Midwest yet