Nothing sexier than a girl who's confident enough to make the first move..

A picture speaks a thousand words. But with Photoshop, it tells a thousand lies.

If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after sex, you don't deserve a sandwich.

If you're fat, do something about it. If you're ugly, you're shit out of luck.

How do I kick someone in the face without hurting their feelings?

That awkward moment when people text you first and then don't keep the conversation going.

The best memories come from bad ideas.

I would love some car sex. ...or just sex. ...or just a car.

Funny how fast you can get up in the morning when you realize you overslept

I will carry 17 grocery bags or die trying before making two trips.

If she'd rather watch ESPN than a chick flick, you know she's a keeper.

Wake me up when it's Friday.

You're bangable not dateable. Know the difference.

You only need 3.5 inches to truly satisfy a woman... It's called a credit card.

Looking down at your cell phone to avoid someone walking by.