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So my Apple Watch did this to me, and they want me to pay $200 to fix it. The watch, not my hand. They didn’t even offer me a band-aid for my hand. It just exploded. I did nothing. What gives, Apple?#AppleWatch

Yes.

Giving five bullets on what you did last week is so easy that even the busy White House Karoline Leavitt found time to do it!

Everyone rn

Uncle Sam WANTS YOU to apply for this exciting, high-tech career manning our nation’s airport towers!

It is a strong core belief of mine that financial literacy is the only path to economic independence and well-being. The more Americans that can be educated on this issue, the better.

We did the trend… @SECDEF

PHENOMENAL.

One time, I responded to a multiple fatality wreck. It was a Ford excursion with a dad and 8 young girls on their way to Utah for some sort of girls camp. They had a front right blowout, dad over corrected left, and it rolled, tossing 5 girls out of onto the highway, killing them

What's the equivalent of the The OED for Italian? Trying to figure out word usage for "macchina" in mid-sixteenth century.

@17CentPlayer Forget Michael Phelps; you deserve a gold medal.🏅

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, And they're like, "I didn't order this."

TFW you write something sort of interesting and with a good chunk of explanation and realize it's going to sit in a footnote.

Not super fond of being on hold for nearly 10 minutes for The Home Depot .

I cannot get enough of this song lately. Love me some Demi. It's ideal for weight reps, btw. #NowPlaying Body Say b… spoti.fi/29vL5be

Course design and checking out the new Buble. #NowPlaying Michael Bublé Discography by Michael Bublé ♫ spoti.fi/2epXnZG

The ultimate consigliere #mormonmafia "Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves GBH

Why don't you give me a nice papercut and pour lemon juice on it? #NowPlaying i hate u, i love u (feat. olivia o'br… spoti.fi/1MlwFvm

Every day. x.com/realoverheardl…

Hey, Disneyland Resort: we’re here to celebrate being DONE with cancer. Have a pin at City Hall for that?