I don’t smoke cigarettes but the thought of going in to buy some makes me scared. Like I don’t feel old enough to buy something like that. If I tried right now I know I’d pee my pants

I go to a fancy gym. We were doing shoulder exercises and the instructor says “squeeze your shoulder blades like there’s a $100 bill in between them.” She then looks around the room at everyone’s loose blades and says- “okay, like there’s a $1,000 between them”

The Osbournes was the first reality show I ever watched and I remember WHEEZING at every episode-so funny. And admiring how smart Ozzy was and of course how wrecked from drug usage at the same time. So much love in the household. RIP Ozzy 🖤

Open to hearing cases in which someone 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 look cool in a fedora. The floor is open and will close when I get annoyed

I just finished Six Feet Under and I’m 🫠🫠🫠😭😭😭😭

Put Vaseline on my legs so I’d stop chaffing but now I’m leaving a slug trail on every public service. Ima be on the 6 o’clock news so I need a nickname. Slug Sleuth? Slug sister? Whatcha got?

Me and monistat

The confidence of someone that doesn’t double check that the toilet fully flushed 😲🔥👏🏻

I love my fiancé cuz we’ll be like remember last night when we were laughing at this? Then we’ll get to laughing again 😌🥰♥️

Flirting with shitting my pants today

My brain can’t comprehend what a chicken wing looks like on a chicken. And I’m so happy about that. I don’t wanna know

Wild experience watching someone have trouble parking a Tesla. Isn’t that car supposed to do that on its own?

Ahhh August! 😌 the month I start panicking about what I’ll be for Halloween

If I can’t decide on an outfit, I have to take my hair down to 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 see the vision

Why would you go to your high school reunion? Genuinely I want to know, cuz to me it’s like being invited back to war. Like you had some good times but ultimately you were at war and 𝘯𝘰𝘸 all your enemies have children

I love scrolling through comments on someone else’s video and blocking anyone I don’t like in there. Like they weren’t even talking to me- and they never will be

New series coming soon…

Magician’s Type 🪄See the whole episode early? Sign up here laylo.com/amberautrycome… 🎩🐇 #AmberAutryComedy #magician #magictricks #frontporch #magicianslife

Let’s sell these out too what you say? 💁🏻‍♀️ I CANNOT WAIT to see yall out there. For real been loving meeting every single one of you 🫶🏻

New porch episode out now! 👻🎃YouTube via link in my bio! #amberautrycomedy #frontporch #ghosthunting #ghosthunters#paranormal