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i asked my dad why he’s never smoked weed and he said “well, it’s not that i think i’m better than people who do but-” and it’s like, okay, so i immediately know it’s because you think you’re better than people who do

MONDAY 9/18 North Figueroa Bookshop feat Robert Schultz Laura Peek @evan_harris9 Dash Turner hosts Anna Seregina Alison Megan Beth Koester FREE, PLUS 10% OFF BOOKS FOR AUDIENCE, 15% OFF FOR STRIKING UNION MEMBERS ✊ RESERVE TIX / DONATE eventbrite.com/e/loose-ticket…

growing up catholic

oh, you’re a “mama’s boy?” name 5 household tasks you pretend you’re incapable of doing yourself

my boss was like "i feel like you just want to work from home so you can do less work" and it's like, yup, and you just want me to work in the office so i can do more work, this is our game and we are cursed to play it until the judgment day trumpets sound (or i win the lottery)

every time we see a couple with a big age gap, my girlfriend goes "ugh what do they even have in common???" and it's like, idk, maybe that they're both getting extremely judgmental voicemails from every member of their family

people in los angeles will never just tell you they’re spiraling. instead they’ll just start saying stuff like “yea i actually always wanted to go into credit card debt making a web series about a pen and a pencil falling in love”

my guy friend was like "i went out last night with a girl who is really flexible so you know what that means..." and it's like, oh yeah, it means your crew has finally found a grease man for the big heist

DANNY SELLERS FULL COMEDY SPECIAL "POUND 4 POUND" youtu.be/EnfaeQ-L5EQ?si… via YouTube

working a 9-5 job

see something (a little dog on a walk) say something (“why hello to you little sir”)

a friend of mine was like "i feel like you're the type of guy who is so bad with money that you've maxed out multiple credit cards" and it's like, joke's on you, i'm actually the type of guy who is so bad with money that i've never even had a credit card

my boss was like “people working from home are just pretending to work” and it’s like, actually dude, people working in an office are just pretending they couldn’t totally do this at home

Last week, I was struck as a pedestrian in a hit and run collision in LA. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I’m still hospitalized and I had surgery on my shoulder to repair a broken humerus and rotator cuff. I appreciate any help. gofund.me/df473a47

TOMORROW APRIL 24th! The Easter Bunny left us an incredible show to end the month on! Robert Schultz Andrew Michaan Lisa Chanoux Mary Houlihan Andrew Stier Jessica Singer And host Danny Cuneo 8:30 doors/9 pm show Illusion Magic Lounge in Santa Monica $10 tix online below! 👇

A new ep of Young Old is out now: youtu.be/qTWuBFQFdTY