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I’ll never tell anyone if I hit the lottery….but there will definitely be signs

she’s a 10 but she says “hell yeah brother” in a hulk hogan voice

there’s not much I’m more passionate about than napping

minimum wage in switzerland is $24? lemme go change my name to hinga ding durgen.

first beer of the evening has been,,, opened

Taylor Swift is releasing a new album in the middle of a world tour and I can’t even wash and put away my laundry in the same day

Me if I was one of Usher’s backup dancers

on my 26th birthday, i wrote I Took A Pill in Ibiza…10 years ago. The song became popular several years after i wrote it. Yesterday i celebrated my 36th birthday. i feel proud to look at the song lyrics and know that NONE of them are true anymore. I’ve grown into a completely

Her: You better not be in a tree dancing to Swag Surfin’ when I get home Me:

I need to go to there

all this work just for me to say “huh”

i actually just teared up at this. america is so back. land of the fucking free

can i come over and just do this

why am I just now watching Saltburn and why is no one talking about it as much as it should be talked about? the storyline, the foreshadowing, the casting, the cinematography, the soundtrack. chef’s kiss 10/10

feeling blessed to be alive the same time as kettle cooked potato chips

absolutely no one: Kayli Miller : did you see Gypsy Rose tried In-N-Out?

Me when I’m playing charades and the answer is elephant