I can’t believe Gangnam Style is 23 years old

(1)
You find a horse made of horse meat. His name is Henry but you don’t know that. You begin to ride south along the road until it hits a 3 way fork

To continue South, trot to tweet (2)
To go East, cantor to tweet (7)
To go West, gallop to tweet (3)

We think about this tweet at least once a week.

A Squirtle throwing up in the middle of the night and accidentally causing $12,000 in water damage and 2 months of repairs

Putting googly eyes on eggs and making screaming sounds when they hatch

She is so &

Clams spelled backwards is Smalc and I wish that meant something.

Heating up Oreos in the furnace and breaking away the cookie slag to make pure stuff ingots.

If I win, I'll eat it. #FalloutXboxSweepstakes

blue gatorade is technically a mana potion

Books are made of tree ghosts

[pulling away from a kiss]

Me: We can’t tell my wife

Jar of gravy:

the food spins in the microwave to make it dizzy. you must weaken your prey

Don’t worry, the emails won’t find us at all now, we are beings of moss and mist, we are obscured by pine limbs shifting in the wind

You guys think that the moon big egg?

Happy Pi Day!

May your 3/14 be filled with delicious baked goods and geometric mastery.

body shaming is ALWAYS wrong and bad except for my cat who is a fat little lad, a tubby beefy guy, a big fatty katty wobbly belly boy

a crowd trying to stone me to death but i keep catching them in my pockets

hate people that think the jankiness of bethesda games is a bad thing. there is something so beautiful about not knowing if you’re suddenly going to be talking to a headless NPC mid-conversation. endless replayability, never the same experience twice.