Future me is watching over me through their memories.

Half of 8 is 4. Half of 8 is also 3. Half of 8 can also be 0

Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty kids now that global warming is threatening his habitat.

"Making Ends Meet" would be a fantastic slogan for a double ended dildo company.

The reason we care so much about approval from strangers on the Internet is because they have no social obligation to lie to us.

Mowing the lawn is basically just shaving the Earth's face.

So many people are named Smith because blacksmiths made weapons instead of fighting and dying in wars

Considering how big the universe is, there are probably space battles going on somewhere right now.

"Don't kid yourself" would be an appropriate slogan to promote safe sex

When parents get a divorce, they should have to switch houses every week so the kids don't have to.

"You nailed it" means the opposite of "you screwed up."

There are a certain number of people that are the same age as you. That number can get smaller but it can never get bigger.

How hilarious would it be if farting was as contagious as yawning

Some rappers basically have us pay them to tell us what extravagant/lavish things they then do with our money

Relationships are scary because you're either going to spend the rest of your life together, or have your hearts broken.

It only takes 3 people to span the entire history of the United States.

There should be a fake dating service that gives you a review of what you did wrong afterwards.

I used to be a man in a woman's body.

What if Dj Vu is just us starting off at our last checkpoint because we fucked up sometime in the future

Secretly knowing a language that a group of people speak but they think you don't, is almost like having the power to read minds