Im physically at work but mentally I wont be back until July 8th. ✌🏻

I bet I could pay my student loans with the amount of $1 bills stuck to bar walls in Wisconsin alone.

"you need to sign for your ADHD medication because it's very addictive" says the pharmacist, as if we both don't know that I'm picking up a refill of a 30-day prescription on day 56

I’m in my retired party girl era until I’m reunited with my long distance best friends. Then the spirit of the jersey shore cast possesses me like an ancient creature.

My fiancé brought me flowers home yesterday with the sole purpose of getting his friends in trouble for not getting their SOs flowers for “National GF Day” Immediately walks in and says “Snap this to the girls, let’s stir the pot” I fucking love him 😂😂😂

Hear me out…

Is there a nice way to say “you used the internet to email me a question the internet could’ve answered for you”?

Every time I see this video of Mahomes wife I immediately see Gerald from Finding Dory

Listening to grown men at the bar debate if they think Taylor and Travis break up 😂😂😂

I have decided that I would defend her with my life

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all

I can’t stop saying “Idk if momtok can survive this!?” after every minor inconvenience in my life.

At my annual physical my doctor just told me “thin doesn’t mean you’re healthy” No shit Sharon, now tap my knee so I can involuntarily kick you.

My neighbors below me AirBnb their place and they keep letting random strangers park in the very tight, shared garage space, so I put a bird feeder on my deck until they finally stop. Not only do they have shit all over their deck, but I feel like a Disney Princess 🥰

One of the funniest things I get second hand embarrassment from is people going ALL OUT at karaoke and bombing 😅😂

If America even has midterm elections in 2026, Democrats need to stop campaigning for smart people. You've won them already. Speak to the stupid people. In the dumbest possible terms. Dummies decide elections and a huge chunk of the country is dumb.

I now have a squirrel I’ve named Darlene and I hand feed her peanuts. 😅

In 2025 I’m California/Napa Sober, only weed and wine for me 😇😅