Well, the people of Apple and Tim Cook Parody have successfully cured the Coronavirus, it is no more boys! Our Chinese customers will soon be healthy and will be available to buy our products!

Tim Cook on stage for March event.

Introducing our all new iPad Pro, this thing is equipped with the world most powerful mobile chip, with an ultra silky smooth screen and yes, an all new camera module that will take your parent’s photography game to a whole new level. Buy now!

Many of our customers were worrying about how we gonna organize WWDC2020. Well guys, we gonna create a video conference room on Zoom, then screen-sharing our keynote so all of you could see! Fun WWDC 2020!

Due to the popularity of the iPad Pro and the Apple Pencil, at Apple, we are working on a Apple Pencil Tray Pro. We plan to release it in March 2021, priced at $399

iPhone 9 is on sale now! Please buy 2, only $399. If you trade in your android device, you will be entitled to 3 months of free Apple Music subscription!

What are you doing Zuck?

We do this, so in the far future, we would be able to sell iPhones with 4-8GB of storage because the apps are on the clouds, you just stream the app on the iPhone. Still, we still gonna sell our iPhone at an extreme price.

Introducing our all new iPhone SE 2020. Gorgeous and premium design, awesome camera, ultra fast A13 Bionic just for $399. Buy now! It is time to leave your android device behind!

Best wheels ever made!

Introducing our refreshed 13” MacBook Pro, brand-new butterfly keyboard, upgraded CPUs and many more! To explore the new features we recommend you to buy it now!

Our CEO Tim, being a big brain guy like he is, he also dislikes being involve with the MeToo movement, dislike being MeTooed by some greedy woman, he also not resting his hand on this woman. Good job Tim, law suit avoided!

We will kick off our annually WWDC event at June 22, but with a twist, instead of normal meeting, we will host it on Zoom, fear not, this event will not be boring since we have added cheering and clapping sound effect so that when ever Tim or Craig mentions a letter, we all cheer

To celebrate Mother’s Day, we would like you to buy her any Apple products that is above $1000, it will help our company thrive through this pandemic, and help our employee’s moms at home happy!

Apple reinvented the wheel, best wheel ever made, it will blow you away!

Welcome, the All-new iMac, the most innovative and highly sophisticated feature that our Pro users will love is the 1080p webcam, great for professional video conferences! Buy now!

Good morning! Are you all exited about this upcoming Apple Event? We are so thrilled to introduce you a lot of amazing innovations today! Stay tuned and get your wallet ready! #AppleEvent #GoodMorning #GetYourWalletReady