There is no way that Trump should be holding onto the trophy that Chelsea won fair and square. It's not his to have. Why isn't FIFA standing up to him?

Well I've attached three vibration alarms on the front door so if anyone tries to force it open, they will alarm. My god, they're loud! And I've got the agreement for the locks to be replaced.

If there's one berry that excels in fruitiness and taste it's the raspberry. Prove me wrong.

Does anyone else of a certain age find it disturbing seeing young men walking around looking like they've come through some time portal from the early 1970s? I'm talking about the moustache and shaggy mullet with flared trousers look. It's just darned weird.

There is no break. He thinks the shingle has been down there since 2014, when the back was converted, but that doesn't make sense. It ought to have blocked way before now. He says it's all along the pipe. It's the stuff they bed around the pipes, but it shouldn't be inside it.

Everything he denies is an admission of guilt. I don't even need to say his name. You know who I mean.

Question of the day: cucumber is a fruit, so why do we not eat it like a fruit and instead, put it in salads?

The saxon arch at All Hallows by the Tower of London

I have hit the age when my GP is determined to find something wrong with me despite all tests being normal. He's ordered 3 more tests. He says 'if these are normal I want a face to face to see if we need to order more tests'. WT merry F.

Here's a conundrum. I'm so scared of dying that it's not worth living. Oh...