me texting my fetus: “bitch stop kicking!”

*t*ump was shot at* ALL OF US:

she wouldn’t have missed

Fashion Nova bout to be like “The shooter missed, but we don’t! Take 10% off your next order with code ONESHOT”.

At my wedding i’m not doing a daddy daughter dance i’m doing a daddy daughter duel i wanna fight that nigga

When i hear my man having fun without me x.com/HollyAnderson/…

nobody believed you had it bro.

They’re eating the dogs and eating the cats? Come on man.

where the immigrants that eat cats at? send em my way

Sweet Chili Shrimp Bowl 🎥 _nutritionwithnat

my job is really stressful but at least the pay is bad

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette

client asked me with genuine interest what’s the air freshener we use it smells delicious, i told him “burberry goddess” and he said “?” and i had to explain to him what he’s smelling is my perfume and his face went red

Y’all really thought she wanted THIS nigga⁉️🤔