A new gymnastics themed restaurant opened last night i went to see if it was any good,I asked the server if they had any winter pepper..no she replied we only do summer salt ...!!

Wanted for BBC newsreader job,person who will just read whatever nonsense we put on the autocue ...free thinkers not allowed...!!

I'm so 80s i keep seeing tweets about " young bob " I all i can see is Gabby Glaister as young bob ...!!

Do you have a favourite #StarWars couple? #PadméAmidala #AnakinSkywalker #HanSolo #LeiaOrganaSolo #LukeSkywalker #MaraJadeSkywalker #Merrin #CalKestis

Think how happy owls were when they realised they had a barn named after them ...!! Speaking of which a grasshopper goes into a bar and the barman says " hey we have a cocktail named after you" the grasshopper replies " you have a cocktail called Lawrence " ..!!

Oh I'm fucking hating life today and Christmas can fuck off already.

Woman at the bus stop telling her son if the driver asks how old you are tell him your 9 ...ahh ..!!

Aşağı Düden Şelalesi/ Antalya Türkiye'nin denize dökülen tek şelalesi. "Sevgi,bildiğim en büyük silgidir. En derin ve en acı verici anıları bile siler, Çünkü sevgi;diğer her şeyden daha derine iner"diyen L.L.Hay, yüreğine sağlık. İyi akşamlar dostlar sevgiyle kalın 🇹🇷🌿♥️

“Radiating flower power” 8x10 Acrylic in canvas Available for purchase in the US. #artistsontwitter #art #paintings #supportsmallbusiness #flowers #pretty #nature #artistsofX

This Christmas I'm taking the whole family to Lapland,which is awesome because normally those clubs don't let kids in ...!!

Have you noticed how these " big " accounts always crying about their reach,can anyone see my tweets,I've lost followers..blah blah blah...in life you can't always be the A side sometimes you have to be the B side ..pah my twitter life is a floppy disc on an 80s Vic 20 ..!!

My daughter just rang me and asked if I know anything about Bonsai trees ...er very little I replied...!!

Never had Carol Decker as the new Eminem on my bingo card such language...!!

Which member of ABBA is the eldest...? Björn...because he was Björn before everyone else ...!! Oh incidentally if the 2 men in ABBA were called Sven and Dvork they would of been called ASDA ...!! Have a great day and ...

I love ( as in WTF ) these ladies who come on here and say " MATCH DAY...oh and here are me TITS " ..!! Ahh I wonder what Pele would say ..well after he'd taken his viagra that is ...!!

Just went into my G.P.s and the nhs has gone right downhill ain't it ..I said to the doctor " what's the best thing for a cough " and she punched me in the chest and said " probably that .." !!

Dünya'nın en temiz gölü seçilen Kanada'nın Flathead Gölü suyun temizliği nedeniyle sığ görünse de derinliği 52.2 m'dir.495.9 km2'lik alanı olan göl adını, yakınlarındaki bir kampa yerleştirilen Flathead Yerlilerinden(Seliş)alır Güzel bir akşam ve mutlu bir hafta sonu dilerim🇹🇷♥️

Well somebody appreciated me today I just got back to my car parked in a car park and someone has put a sticker on my windscreen saying " Parking Fine " and it was i parked between the lines and my tyres were straight...thank you mystery person...!!

My wife asked me to pick her up a blusher in Boots,so I came back with an easily embarrassed farmer ...!! See ya all tomorrow xx

Oh feel free to block me but...er..I've finished my Christmas shopping and changed a king sized summer duvet for a 13.5 tog winter one ...single handed ...!! Until tomorrow...!!