My hobbies include finding things I like online, checking the price, checking my bank account, and crying

Just listening to people and keeping it confidential can get you into some interesting circles.

Netflix and get fatter together?

I never thought the Zombie Apocalypse would be by the stupid. They don’t want brains, y’all.

But did you try buying bitcoin about it?

It’s funny how “not my business” people somehow know everything.

My husband did a load of my laundry and do I say thank you or tell him what he did wrong?

I don't want much . . . like most Americans, I just want less to do, more time to do it in, and higher pay for not getting it done.

I deleted Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram because I got depressed reading about great relationships, big promotions and fabulous vacations, but I’ll never delete twitter cause it’s an endless tale of misery and despair.

You believe everything you read on the internet and it shows.

I prayed for you all this morning... some I had to pray a little harder for because you need all the help you can get.

Your girlfriend is telling you a story and she says ok for example let's say you are handsome Are you still in coma?

I’m going to the zoo today if you guys want anything.

Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision

My bucket list of places I’d like to go this summer: - My bed. - My comfy chair. - To sleep.

Wait.... people go camping by choice? I figured they had all lost a bet

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If you are looking for a serious mistake to learn a lesson from, I'm always available.