Next up, Clarkson will be asking Angela Rayner to: "parade naked through the streets of every town in Britain while the crowds chant shame and throw lumps of excrement at her” On the plus, he's planning to move to Dubai, and the badgers of Chipping Norton can relax

A very breathless Chris Mason - still stunned after the dance of the seven veils by Nadine Dorries Will report later BBC News (UK) at 10 with an update of the performance of Lucy Connolly Those conference members who are still awake anticipate a Turkish belly dance

More butt clinching at the Reform conference Thankfully Jenkyns removed the sequined jump suit for this performance Later tonight Nigel Farage will appear in a gimp outfit for a fund raising cocktail party

Since attacking Angela Rayner, Nigel Farage doesn't like it "up him" as Corporal Jones of Dad's Army used to say His humbug and hypocrisy is being exposed

Extraordinary breaking news BBC News (UK) reporter Chris Mason is going to defect from the @conservatives to join the Reform party Nigel Farage says: Chris - as long as he stays at the BBC - will be a critical asset for us

Brian Cox bang on as per re Nigel Farage The working class majority who fell for Brexit are still falling for his BS now. Same people paying the price for that mistake will suffer most under Reform, benefit cuts etc etc.. Why can’t they see what’s happening 🤯 #BBCLauraK

Nigel Farage when he's asked how he'd actually solve any issues Britain faces:

Chris Mason is a journalistic embarrassment The BBC is wetting its pants about: 1. Loss of licence fee payers (800,000 last year) 2. Past scandals and more worms about to slither out of the can 3. Its future funding And unled by the right wing leaning DG Tim Davie

Harvard Business School will use this as a case study At least Narcissus saw his own reflection in a pool of water Not Fagash Nigel Farage is a political ghost photoshopping humbug and hypocrisy

Now that Nigel Farage is under scrutiny about his own financial affairs His latest interview tactic - lifted from The Catherine Tate Show - "how very dare you" Bullying bluster might work with Laura Kuenssberg but it doesn't cut the mustard with the public

It is. Today it is announced that Chris Mason of BBC News (UK) has defected from the Conservatives to join Reform He will take over the portfolio of Goggling, Giggling and Gobbling from Richard Tice

DG Tim Davie announces a radical reshuffle at BBC News (UK) Chris Mason will move to Gardeners' World Monty Don will become chief political reporter joined by Bob Flowerdew who will replace Henry Zeffman One BBC insider says: "a breath of fresh air at last"

Reform: a party of inclusion? Really Females don't seem to want to join this party of knobs Unless - of course - they are willing to do an Andrea Jenkyns number And humiliate themselves with an X Factor gig in a sequined jump suit

“Just one more thing. You said the Epstein files were a Democratic hoax—cooked up by Obama, Hillary, and Biden. But here’s the part I can’t figure out: you were a confidential FBI informant on the Epstein case. So tell me, how exactly did the Democrats get you to spy on a hoax?”

At 0.20 Harry Enfield puts in an appearance with Tory Boy How did he get through security? Questions should be asked

Sponsors now know why #F1 viewing figures are plummeting Mclaren - what a joke of a race

Nigel Farage avoids living in his new glasshouse in Clacton - one it seems his "girlfriend" paid the stamp duty on - throwing stones at Angela Rayner

At Forest Lodge, the new PR company of Kate Middleton introduces a more fun side to her personality "Kate. I know it's a funeral. But the public still like to see a big smile."

It's Nigel again. Yes me - Nigel Fagash I've been under a bit of pressure about my Clacton house and stamp duty. But chin up A pic of my last visit to see my Donald Trump. I waited 6 hours to see him - until I was asked to leave. But my team managed a nice photoshop pic

Nadine Dorries is first to put her hat in the ring to succeed Nigel Farage She will lead on the manifesto: "One of our own has been murdered in a graveyard, had his dick hacked off and fed to a cat. We have no idea who did it".