It occurs to me that I’d also watch a movie called The Big Ass Motherfuckin’ Mermaid

The best piece of Spider-Man media maybe ever is Into The Spiderverse, and it had every kind of Spider-Man you could think of except for a teenaged Peter Parker. Just kind of realizing this now. Also, I love most Spider-Man movies, but that one’s a masterpiece.

“Women are too emotional,” he said, punching a door.

It’s not true that men can’t multitask. I can have three thoughts in my head at the same time. It’s just that two of them are always “boobs” and “sandwich.”

I promise you I would complain forever.

Your pussy ass would tremble in Roku city in broad daylight.

I’m tired of living during ArMAGAdden

Charlie Kirk never feeling safe is a good thing, actually

If you want to be famous, I want to see you high five about killing fascists.

The first pants removal of a three day weekend is a momentous occasion.

Do not do this. You will be dead in minutes.

“I’m gonna moisturize this dry patch on my face” *presses pump* “that’s way too much, I’ll do my hands first” “… this is definitely soap”

Hey baby, are you into banal?

Why is this man in the White House?

This is the best 🥺

Just thinking of the time Dean Cain blocked me because I said I didn’t know how to insult them, because usually when I want to insult a washed up actor, I call them Dean Cain.

It’s a good deal, tbh

Whoever named the kumquat should be in charge of naming all fruits and vegetables

For the second time, Trump’s forces have invaded DC.

We should stop calling him 47 and start calling him 34.