I can’t believe dogs don’t get lunch.

If Harry could use his wand to bring his broom to him in the Tri Wizard Tournament, why couldn’t he just ACCIO! that golden egg?!?

knock knock, who’s there’ butt butt who you live on butt ialand

So adam pally on Dax Shepard #armchairexpert is now the exact answer I give for “if you could have dinner with anyone dead or alive”. Two favorites, one pod... thank youuuu!

Uber/Lyft for the suburbs but where I drive your car & you sit in the back, because I actually know where I’m going, how to get there, and the speed limit.

Have you ever had so much caffeine that you feel drunk? 🤪🙃 Genuinely - is someone willing to proof read my emails the rest of the day????

“Saturday night, college football is back! Watch LSU at Texas ... we’d rather you watch the women’s finals at that time.” - #USOpen announcers absolutely crushing their forced advertisement interjections today 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Weird to be in SF and see your NYC based-SF bar game bus shirt framed *kisses the ring* Finnerty's I miss you every Sunday.

Thank you Washington Nationals for completing a full year of birthday & Christmas gift shopping for my D.C. based in-laws, here in October. Hats for everyone! You get a shirt! How about a new hoodie!? COFFEE MUGS.

The new #Mr album feels like shopping in a Pottery Barn or it constantly being a Saturday morning ... and I fricken love it. Please make more original music, Leslie Odom, Jr. !!!!

Morning routine of “classical music email hour” becomes “The Nutcracker email hour” for 25 days straight, every year ... just simply the best !!! 🎧🎄🎶🎁🎵🧸🐭👑🎼👩🏻‍💻

My husband just got so excited to tell me that my eyeshadow pallet “looks like the money in The Mandalorian!!!” ... like/comment to let him know he’s a 7y/o (Johnny Kelley)

My holiday energy is taking my time to bake from scratch and host lively kitchen chatter, then immediately start screaming from the shower for a sister, a cousin, or my in-laws to check the oven/reset the timer/take it out IMMEDIATELY ! NOW IM LATE !! WAS BAKING FOR ALL OF YOU !!

This is my friend, oui. And oui, She studied abroad in Aix-en-Provence!

This is the exaaaaaact exact exact type of targeted media and bias I am looking for this weekend!!!!! #SuperBowlLIV 🙌🏻

“There are so many Big Cats, but why aren’t there any Big Dogs?” Johnny Kelley really reeling in it all this morning, about to finish Tiger King in one sitting.

Tuesday.

I’ve had 3 people text me “Are you mad at me?” this week ... I’m doing ~*~amazinggggg~*~ at this shelter in place!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!

Same.

We’re at this many days working from home (they’re my best friends).