So excited and proud to announce that my show the Real Apartment VIRGINS of Salt Lake City has not been picked up by any network.

Just found a listerine strip between my tits.

POV: I’m about to beat the shit out of you for being annoying

Uh oh! I fed my mail in ballot to my sweet little hungry toilet who was begging for dinner

Whoa this is super fucked up 😡

Scuse me? I was hatched from an egg that my mom spit out of her throat. Do NOT involve me in this bullshit ✋🙄

My last tweet

Can’t wait for Friendsgiving! (The friends are the spiders that live in my pipes watching me pray as I eat a Tofurky over my toilet alone)

Can’t wait to unwrap this on Christmas morning 😍

I’ve strapped myself to Santa’s lap and im NOT getting off until I get what I want (lifetime supply of corn)

Hopefully on this season of the Bachelor the Bachelor will finally go to retrieve a rose and instead grab a beehive and release all the bees inside it

My fav beverage is a white Monster bc it was how the doctor described me upon my birth

I love learning new information

My favorite part of the #NBAAllStar game was my discovery of blood covered RUFFLES brand chips discarded on the sidewalk which I will be storing in a time capsule under my bed for the coming years.

Getting pregnant so I can play whack a mole when the baby tries to get out

My condolences to my friend Elvis for losing the Oscars tonight ☹️ Congrats to everyone else though 😁

Got bullied today because I wasn’t wearing green. I will NOT lie to myself like the rest of you

Is this good?

I do not need therapy.

Fuck this #MyTwitterAnniversary