Bit the bullet & went the HRBT...and there was no traffic at 5:45...someone pinch me

Imagine being itchy with crickets jumping all over you

My brothers & cousins should be happy for the 12-15 yr age difference between us. I already shocked the fam by bringing home boyfriends everyone hated, showing up hungover to xmas, getting drunk and fighting with Mamaw's bf during dinner. I paved the way for them. You're welcome

I got Mamaw's gift in White Elephant.. It's a single fake pear LOL

if kierkegaard had a twitter account he would have written the best tweets:

I always get sick the second I get to my hometown for vacation, which probably says something about my stress levels at home lol

I had a million opportunities to waste money this year and I took them all. In fact, even when there wasn’t an opportunity, I created one.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2025 was a bitch, 2026 will probably be, too. So don't be better, be pettier

After 2 weeks pretending my job doesn't exist, we're finally upon the Monday from hell

My inbox this morning

Much work to be done on very little drive to do work

Give it a construction site theme instead

If you become aware you're sitting hunched like a gremlin, ignore it. Your spine is too accustomed to the gremlin life to change. You'll feel silly, and it hurts.

Sir I have something to tell you