I cannot believe that it took me this long in life to find out that bleach don't fuckin work in hot water. Like. Wtf!? 🤯

So I'm at the Chinese buffet and the waitress comes up to me and I swore she was callin me a cracker. Found out she just wanted to help me with my crab legs.

Even just gettin a couple runs in at Holiday Valley can just. Sooth my life.

Music is so powerful. You just gotta find the right shit.

My girl touched more than my heart this Valentines

I would just like to say. Fuck farmers. I am so much happier that it's still sunny at 7pm. Daylight savings can suck a dick.

When your pregnant girlfriend is supportive enough to let you go and mosh at a concert...........keeper.

PLEASE SHARE: If anybody knows who this lady is she stole my girls phone today at Once Upon a Child. She drives a maroon suv with the back window smashed out covered with plastic wrap with a black small dog in the trunk. Last seen in Blasdell around 2:30 pm.

Ya wanna know what I miss? I miss Josh Allen makin plays.

When you bust out a summer shirt from last year and jokingly think the wife shrunk it in the wash.

My girl ordered Starbucks and told me what basic bitch drink she got me. Had to stop her mid sentence cause you shouldn't need 13 words to order a drink. But anyways this grande iced toasted vanilla oatmilk shaken expresso with cinnamon sweet cream cold foam is fuckin delicious!

I Intentionally do things for the first time in my life. The other day I ran with crocks on for the first time. Just cause I had em on. Also. Had myself a "shower coffee" if that's a thing. Did that. And on top of it all I just finished pissin while eatin a doughnut. #dofirsts

My girl: I have crazy hormones. Me: Yeah when I'm throwin it down right.

I can't to miss another green light again because everyone in line at the red light was on their phones. It just makes me so happy 😊

She's already talkin to the haters.

I never thought I'd use the phrase "so many nipples". Then I washed baby bottles.

Make sure you get your team together!!

From now until the 16th Total Sports Buffalo is taking Donations At their store in orchard park for everything 2 can goods or Non perishables items you get entered to win a Full Sized Autographed Gabe Davis Helmet a DIGGS mini signed helmet and a 90s Buffalo Bills starter

Girls will be 6 months late on changin their oil but pay $29.99 the day the Barbie movie comes out.

When your wife asks you to pick up the instacart order from the store. You pick up everything extra you needed...........EXCEPT the instacart order.