I knew i was in the wrong place when the host put on an hour and a half barstool sports YouTube video

If I came across an uncontacted tribe on an island I’d first show them 50 Cent In da Club and Kobe’s 81 point game

I need to get off Twitter

My friends dick is bigger than yours bro

Trump just can’t stop appointing rapists can he 😂

So what do I do when I’m helping two people soak and I finish before them?

Imagine how good Lebron would be at basketball if he had a gambling addiction

As soon as I go fully bald I feel like my only options are: 1. Get extremely jacked 2. Own a successful tech company 3. Be really into mushroom foraging 4. Biker gang

It’s cool to me that dogs understand that babies are babies and not just small humans

Sitting next to a Mormon couple on my flight and they are TWEAKING. Idk whether it’s their fear of flying or that I told them that they’re wrong

Unfortunate that I was deemed ineligible for the FBI job I just applied for. I was gonna do great things for Uncle Sam one 25 min bathroom break at a time.

At this rate the next Dalai Lama will be from Omaha Nebraska

Feeling the warmth on the seat from the guy who used the stall before me

Has there ever been a time in the Anthropocene when there wasn’t war or conflict? I think we’re just built for killin bruh

I already know when those cavemen invented language they were running box and 1s on sabertooth tigers

Alright the cats out of the bag. Yes, I was one of Wilt Chamberlain’s 20,000 bodies.

Just hooped against someone that had loose change jingling in his pocket for 3 straight games. You can already imagine what his game was like

Dressed up to go to the church this morning #fat

Trump could shoot 15 newborn babies in the head with a gun on live TV and these dumb fucks would still support him