may 1st 2024 / I tried so hard to get a good shot with this little cat of mine because she was sooooo insistent on getting attention when I was done streaming but she hates being on camera and radiates a photo-disruptive field

Just thought to myself, “If your rent day falls on a Bank Holiday, you shouldn’t have to pay it that month,” and immediately followed it up with, “Of course, you should never have to pay rent at all.” Kill the cop in your head.

april 30th 2024 / not as much variety and creativity in this month’s batch, which I put down to a lot of my energy and focus going into my stream activity instead (a consistent daily habit I’ve been able to keep up with because of the discipline cultivated by this very project!)

Labour’s vision for the country is truly V for Vendetta with Pride parades (attended only by police, all LGBT+ people having been rounded up and put to death by vigilante groups of Real Voters with Real Concerns).

“Carmex lip balm? My lips used to be addicted to that stuff. Now they’re just addicted to weed. And cigarettes. And alcohol. My nose is addicted to cocaine. And honestly? My arms have started giving me addict vibes.”

april 29th 2024 / whoever decided Photo Booth pics would be so low-resolution absolutely cooked

“You remember Kubla Khan?”
“No.”
“Yes you do, you went to school with him. You hated how he was always decreeing things.”
“Sure?”
“Well, he’s done it again. This time? A stately pleasure dome. In Xanadu, of all places!”
“Okay…”
“And weren’t you looking for a job in Xanadu?”

Walked through the high street at 6pm. Pretty empty. Bunch of lads were kicking a ball around, one gave it too much welly and it shot my way. I put my foot out, gently stopped it, and kicked it back over. They all *cheered*. There’s something… There’s something to this country.

april 28th 2024 / obviously you should never take a picture with the sun behind you but in every other selfie I took on my lovely walk along the dock in this gorgeous weather my hair looked way too flat and greasy sorryyyyyyyyyy. shout out to my adams apple

The spectacle of the whcd is disgustingly corrupt AND ALSO this joke is poorly-written. It should say “still up” instead of “still awake”, that way the “woke” in the punchline isn’t blunted by being similar to a previous word. 101 shit.

april 27th 2024 / simply too many elevator selfies this month, but they always give me a lift