My email may not find you well, but it will find you

If someone already made this let me know

If Christopher Nolan was hosting SNL and had to introduce musical guest Green Day for the first time he would say ‘Once again, Green Day.’

When I use my own paper towel to eat my McDonald's because the napkins in the bag are soaked with grease

*awake at 3 AM sweating* Wife: Is something wrong honey? Me: In Hocus Pocus when Bette Midler says ‘let me see your driver’s permit’ how does she know what that is when she didn’t know what a bus was earlier that same night?

These are the lyrics to the Indiana Jones Theme Song.

The literal-minded music cues on Love Is Blind are the best part. Someone will be like ‘I don’t know if I’m ready to marry you next week’ and then it’s just a song that’s like ‘🎶 oooooh it’s a conflict🎵’

Chicago River tour guide in 2004:

Trying to determine if the dishwasher is clean

‘Pat, I’d like to solve: COCAINE…..BEAR…..NECESSITIES’

Is the dishwasher clean

She’s running

Or you could break it down to $1 million per flight of stairs

Been a year since this tweet and I still can’t stop singing it like this

When airplane seats ‘recline’ back it’s the same basic energy as Michael Scott moving his plasma screen TV into the wall

the past tense of “cast” is “cast.” it is not “casted.” we cannot allow the overton window to move on this issue

‘500 tickets? Best I can do is a notepad or a bouncy ball.’

Would rather be a character in The Last Of Us than on a plane with 3 bathrooms and 100 people who just ate Five Guys