Lewis Sequeira (@actualcriminal) 's Twitter Profile
Lewis Sequeira

@actualcriminal

Human being that can transform into a car but I can only do it once and I can’t turn back | Host of the live weekly stand-up show It’s Gonna Be Okay at EastBurn

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linkhttp://lewissequeira.com calendar_today28-01-2010 20:00:28

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People of Portland, OR who are interested in posters for free weekly stand-up showcases -- have I got a tweet for you! MONDAY. EASTBURN. 8PM. FREE.

People of Portland, OR who are interested in posters for free weekly stand-up showcases -- have I got a tweet for you!

MONDAY. EASTBURN. 8PM. FREE.
Lewis Sequeira (@actualcriminal) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I honestly have not heard of Elf on the Shelf, nor am I interested to hear about it. I’ll tell you what I am interested in: Elf on the Self, an examination of the self in the context of elfin consciousness that forms a distinction between phenomenal and metaphysical identities.

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In light of everything that’s been going on in the world, I’ve decided to get yoked. For my family and for families everywhere, I hereby pledge to seriously jack myself up until my body is shredded as Ore-Ida potatoes.

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Hey everybody so I found two stone tablets inscribed in ancient Hebrew. I plugged it into google translate just in case it’s a message from God. You’re not going to believe this….

Hey everybody so I found two stone tablets inscribed in ancient Hebrew. I plugged it into google translate just in case it’s a message from God. You’re not going to believe this….
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Judge: Juror #2, please make yourself known to the court. (Two people rise) Judge: Waitaminute… one… two Jurors #2?! TITLE CARD: Juror #2 2: Two Jurors #2?!

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Critical to your enjoyment of this short piece is the understanding that there already is a film called Juror #2! Thanks for reading, folks!