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What is this Brexit I keep hearing about? Is it edible? Sounds very rich in fibre

Just learned that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean exactly the same thing. Very misleading. My new curtains are *ruined*

Dwarves? In MY mountain? It's more likely than you think

In addition to my masses of wealth I will now be hoarding a variety of assault weapons. How else will I kill 30-50 feral dwarves in 3-5 minutes?

Signs that you might be a dragon: - hot - always hangry - hates Going Outside - revels in the tortured screams of your enemies as you burn their villages to the ground - likes shiny things

Further signs that you might be a dragon: -Nap Queen™ -enjoys a good barbecue -bit of a hoarder -Chieftest and Greatest of Calamaties -dry skin

With a barbecue.

#HobbitDay? What about #DragonDay? DiScRiMiNaTiOn

May you all choke on your second breakfasts. #HobbitDay

Want to authentically celebrate #HobbitDay? Try breaking into someone's home, speaking in pretentious riddles and stealing their priceless treasures

I can't believe Bilbo Baggins invented ghosting. #HobbitDay

*sets fire to an entire kingdom, killing thousands* Gotta blame it on my juice

Look, I am sick to death of people perpetuating these unrealistic expectations for dragons. There is no WAY Ancalagon reached that size naturally. #RoidRage #AllDragonsAreBeautiful

Ex-squeeze me? Since when is hoarding massive amounts of excess wealth NOT an invitation? Rude.

The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug (2013)

Shout out to all the young mortals striking for the climate today. The only things that should be on fire are My Enemies 🔥

Parts of the world are getting hotter than me and this is Unacceptable. #ClimateEmergency