Why you so you?

Die hard sports fans that disrespect every other team are gross to me. There is enough room to show respect for other good players, still like your team, and not be a prick.

Can someone let me know the correct macros for 3 glasses of bourbon?

I think women were made to smell delicious in autumn. 🍂

If you don’t drink a Pepto shot straight out of the bottle, you’re not on my level. (And kudos to a great digestive tract)

sorry i can’t go out and party with you tonight i’m watching flip this farmhouse.

Having college kids at Halloween means when you’re about to go to bed, they haven’t even started to go party yet.

My coffee date

I’m not sure if it’s the Lecithin or the Potassium Sorbate but these Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups pair beautifully with this bourbon.

Damn, this has been one hell of a World Series

Baseball is pretty goddamn good.

secrets you carry in shadow.

The real ones won't fear your quiet, they'll meet you there.

i like people who give a fuck when it matters

Make one of your first few dates to the gym to see if your gym noises are compatible

My fantasy football mouth is very trashy

I get more likes on eBay

Of course you still grill in the Midwest in 4 degrees.

Annoy your mother at Christmas by not wrapping containers the right way with plastic wrap.

There’s just something about the taste of coffee in my beer that makes me warm inside.