KNOCK KNOCK BITCHES!!

Well well well, found these on the south side of the lawn. Looks like we’ve got ourselves some helium balloon enthusiasts.

Dusting a garden bench for prints. God it doesn’t get any better than this. The trail may be almost 600 days cold but there’s blood in the water and Sue Gray always gets her man / woman / SPAD.

Found a giant Jenga brick in a bush. I snap on some latex gloves and shine the darklight on it. It doesn’t work in the day time but it looks good. A lot of very nervous interns watching me work. ‘Who’s that?’ I hear one ask, ‘it’s Sue fucking Gray’ I reply to the darkening skies

I’ve set up my office in the communal kitchen. I keep an unexploded grenade on my desk, it keeps people on their toes. Opening the fridge I see people have put their names on their food. I scribble them all out and write ’Sue Gray’ on each one. I own you now.

It was a large gun-metal grey Samsonite

Had a bust up with security as apparently I’m not allowed to 'open carry'. They take the flare gun off me too. ‘You’ve never run an independent inquiry have you?’ I shout over my shoulder. ‘Shit’s gonna hit the fan’, I say, pushing over a nearby fan to emphasise my point.

Jesus Christ. Looks like I’m working this weekend.

Come on Old Yeller, come and see what I've got for you outside.

When it comes to their drinking culture the government seems completely unaware of the optics, which is funny considering they’re all full of vodka.

Must be something in the air as I’ve just had 6 cans of Boddingtons with lunch.

I approve of this.

AM ABSOLUTELY HAMMERED

Missed Trigger Point for this shit.

Gonna burst out of a massive cake at PMQ’s, like in Under Siege.

How would people feel if I presented my report as a wordle?

Does anyone know how to turn off Clippy?

RIGHT. Time for a fucking drink.

I’ve just written the words ‘IT’S A GRAY AREA’ in size 700 font.