Me: (breathlessly lurching out of a time machine landed in 2007) we have to stop the host of fear factor from helping the host of the apprentice seize power in 2016! Literally anyone in 2007: you're kinda fat to be talking to me???

I’m mad too but let’s not get fucking crazy

Every day I get closer to uninstalling this app and I’m so proud of myself.

UPDATE: some of you are losing your minds, so let me clarify. every day my husband does a million little unseen things that make MY life easier too. things i never even think about or realize he's doing. it goes both ways.

Mood.

The best winker that ever winked. 💫

oluwatise I’m old enough to remember Mccain and Romney defending Obama from wild ass comments like aight we disagree on policy but don’t take shit too far now lol

“You unfollow people over politics?” Baby I unfollowed someone because they said they liked Lion King 1½

You ever want some icecream so bad that you dig your spoon in that cement like hardness only for it to bend it backwards like telekinesis

this got me crying😭😭

not they made her schizophrenic

MY JAW DROPPED I CANTTTTT

this is what arcane does to people

Did you guys expected to be greeted as liberators or something. Your whole thing is triggering the libs. Now the libs hate you. Seriously what was your expectation.

Abbie W Republicans think Democrats are pedo groomers, what the hell are you talking about.

Everything Price Sufferer (but especially eggs) Abbie W "we were being civil" "you were saying haitians were eating cats and our teacher were transing students to use liter boxes"

Kinda thought there would be a lot more drinking liberal tears and a lot less pitifully begging friends not to leave.

In case anyone was wondering, the new AI feature on iOS 18 that summarizes longer text messages works incredibly well.

Oh my god

(Through tears) go on. Get outta here ya stupid president. Can’t you see nobody wants you around here?