One thing I know for sure is before I eat any meal, I’m always gonna *give thanks 🙌🏼🙏🏼 *grab way more napkins than I will actually use

Before election day I need someone to report that Kamala is losing the Asian vote so I can hear her do the voice. Just one time please

Just remembered the Westboro Baptist Church … what ever happened to those guys? I feel like they were all over the news like 10-12 years ago and then just fell off

Nah someone needs to get fired for this wtf??

Can someone tell me if this is fake or is Kamala really built like KD and I just never noticed? If it is real then I fully believe the boozing allegations. Those arms are designed to reach top shelf liquor

Can’t believe Kanye of all people had his wife up there naked for the whole world to see! What’s next? She drops a sex tape with Ray J or something? Have some class

Do you guys really think this game is over or does Mahomes still have time to come back?? Chiefs ML still +1280 on FD right now 👀

I swear I snooze my IPhone alarm one time and outta nowhere like 6 other alarms show up and start going off every 2 minutes like some sorta fucked up magic trick

I’ll be out with my girl and everything’s cool but the second we reach a crowded area she turns into Orlando Brown from Max Keeble's Big Move. Looking at me like

I’ve heard it’s like a “come here” motion with your fingers. Never seen it work live but that’s the word on the street

Dirk’s wife cracked him with a plate of spaghetti when she saw this

Rewarding Buddy Hield by feeding him sugar cubes from my hands

*trying to order food when it’s raining* Uber Eats: We know it’s raining there so we assigned your order to a woman on a bike and she’s PREGNANT! We can’t afford to pay her so PLEASE TIP OR SHE’ll DIE! And yes, your food will be WET!

If we haven’t talked in years and I start liking your Insta posts it means that I’m about to post for the first time in a while and I expect you to return the favor. But if you forget to like my post… you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity

Plot Twist - it’s actually the same guy in every clip

Ngl I’ve had a pretty shitty day. Just had another network turn down my idea for a spinoff show called “Love is Blind AND on the Spectrum” That’s the third studio this week! What’s not clicking??

Trump painting the wall black because it gets “hot in the sun” is so good because it’s an idea a 5th grader would have. Excited for next week when he decides to cover the wall in corduroy or jeans because they also “feel hot in the sun”