Aliens (completely bewildered): so the groundhog Me: is clairvoyant, yes

I’ve been saying this dude is evil since 2018 and every week I’m closer to being vindicated

People are going to be denied house loans because they criticized the Israel government on social media when they got caught in a sex traffic scandal George Orwell was a fucking optimist compared to whats actually happening today, but hey at least they didn’t take away TikTok!

The internet really went from "Never give anyone your personal information" to "You need a government-issued ID to use the internet" in like 10 years

“Splurging on rotisserie chicken”

in america, counting to 24 is a rare skill only taught to elite special forces operatives.

I finally know the feeling all other guys have felt watching their favorite athlete admit they don’t got it anymore

CEO of World Economic Forum resigns. You’re welcome.

Allow this Korn at Woodstock 99 vibe cleanse to wash over you.

Lib: Everyone is HECKIN welcome in this town, Jihadist: ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!! *hurls IED* You literally couldn’t make this up as comedy lol

curious george:fuuuuck i filled the room up with bubbles if that hat nigga come back it's wraps yellow hat nigga:

micro dosing hell by staying informed and educated

They gang-raped a Palestinian so brutally he was hospitalised. They did it on camera. When footage leaked, and the rapists were arrested, Israelis rioted to protect them. They said they had the right to rape. The Israeli lawyer who leaked the footage was arrested. This is Israel.

Fuck Ticketmaster. My dad gets to tell me awesome stories of him seeing his favorite bands growing up, never spent more than $50 on a ticket (and $50 was highway robbery at the time). It’s fucking evil what they have taken away from middle class working people.

😹🫵

I’m 100% going to be arrested for a tweet holy shit

Almost pissed my pants reading this

The greatest trick the American elite ever played was making workers believe that the consumer is the enemy in this situation