Got some reduced haddock from Sainsburys, thought I’d make fish & chips. Got all the way through the 2nd chip fry, making the batter and putting peas on then realised it was smoked haddock. But honestly it was banging

Is this good?

Making a sambal in the pestle and mortar and managed to shoot a massive blob of pounded birds-eye chilli straight into my eye

Today is exactly 5 years since I let these two idiots share my home

A middle aged, middle class British man flying into a homicidal rage because he because he’s been prevented from driving his SUV where he wants is actually the most believable thing ever.

Wow we built this thing incredibly quickly and cheaply. I, a very clever politician, cannot possibly understand why it’s a pain in the arse to maintain and upgrade to meet demand.

Richmond Elm Guest House police documents suppressed by ICO | Your Local Guardian Labour covering up for nonces again yourlocalguardian.co.uk/news/25198976.…

I'd want to be paid more than 35k a year if you have to spend the first 3 hours of the day cleaning up the toddler skulls that Michael Walkers dog has brought in

I fed him 5 minutes ago and he’s pretending I’ve forgotten.

Don’t see how this would work, the only fluent Munsee-Delaware speaker is very old and lives in modern day Canada

1 The first unofficial details of the documents and information obtained from #Israel by #Iran. It's truly shocking. Read more... - Tel Aviv's dangerous four-year roadmap in the nuclear field - Nuclear military industry facilities, bases, infrastructure and processes👇

D Haz Nah U2 are shite

Had great seats tonight lads

You could at least have got SpAd to write in them

Junior Jewish Chronicle reporters now on 25th hour of reading kale recipes on the Guardian website desperately trying to find something they can pretend is antisemitic

Daughter just needed a cable we didn’t have so I made it by cutting up and soldering 2 broken cables that have been sat in drawer for 5 years

Lmao, gotta hit those KPIs from your Heritage Foundation funders

Why’s the cat in the hat there?

Literally saying the quiet part out loud, that regime change in Iran is about balkanisation & creating decades of inter-ethnic conflict in the region