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Semen retention twitter has to be the funniest place on the planet

I swear apple knows how annoying the On my way! Autocorrect is but they just leave it be to fuck with everyone

I love being the “give us a speech” guy in a scenario that absolutely does not require a speech

✅ Tyreek Hill presnap motion ✅ play action ✅ >50 air yards ✅ ball hits Tyreek Hill in stride ✅ 65-yard Tua TD you love to see it

TuAnon brethren. We have great news. Madden NFL 25 has given us Madden codes to give out to our loyal followers. To enter, you must retweet this most. Comment #Madden23, and profess your love and support for Tua Tagovailoa. Must be following so I can DM you.

So pumped to finally live in soflo again

Officially a south Floridian again 🙌

Boomers really love trying to out smart the GPS

Just crop dusting in the club rn

It’s so funny that u can’t operate as company in South Florida If you’re not streaming the World Cup to your employees

One of these days I'm actually going to approach my gym crush

Really nothing better than spending time with family

You’re not a true alpha male until you refill the water cooler in the break room

Spotting a guy who’s benching 400+ has by far been the most nerve wracking experience of my life

this is my contribution

The stranglehold that Arizona has on women in their late 20s should be studied

as a man enters his 30s, he develops an appreciation for standardization. for example, five years ago, i threw out all my mismatched socks and bought 30 pairs of the exact same socks in the exact same color. when i find jeans i like the fit of, i buy a few identical pairs. last

Nothing more soul draining than being stuck in a cubicle while the weather is perfect outside

I really have no idea why twitter is just berating me with anti-car/pro bicycling propaganda

someone diss frank ocean real quick i need new music