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things horses are afraid of: plastic bags rustling in a light breeze, a tree they’ve walked by a bunch before, wind breakers, sneezing, a small child’s ll bean backpack things horses aren’t afraid of: war, storming into battle, battles, swords/bayonets, death as a concept

obsessed with wedding culture. what do u mean a 3 year old is in charge of the rings

it sucks that u have to get everything done today and there aren’t any other days u could get things done

leaving the thrift store excited about ur haul then getting home and realizing u bought some used clogs, a pair of sailor’s breeches, and a child’s t shirt that just has the word “trucks” printed on it

antidepressants aren’t working. i need to get on the Jumbotron

i hate when u order a coffee and a donut but they forget about the donut so u have to go back to the counter and be like “hi i’m just checking in about the donut with sprinkles on top i ordered?” like a pathetic little goblin

love a little rain. reminds me of when it would rain when i was a kid. probably bc it rained in both scenarios

if i ever got to ride in a hot air balloon i wouldn’t make a big show of it. i’d treat it like any other form of transportation

everyone’s like oh skydiving is soo freeing but it’s like….theres a literal guy strapped to your back… & he’s gonna make u take gopro selfie with him once u land

i’ve actually never completed a task. and that’s ok :)

scammers are gonna have to try harder with me bc i don’t respond to my real debt collectors. “we’re gonna take u to court” ok man get in line

“you stay up so late” when else am i going to eat my cereal and relish in the undiluted whimsy of the night ???

I saw a man order two glazed blueberry donuts from Dunkin and it made me think I could be friends with him

i used to think 17 was the oldest age u could be. little did i know it’s actually the youngest

i love those maps of regional linguistic differences. they’re like “ok so 49.9% of the country calls them lighting bugs, 49.9% calls them fireflies, and if u zoom in right here, this little town of 200 ppl randomly calls them glitter bats”