you can kill a man, but an idea never dies

SPERM 1: come on boys! we’re almost at the egg

SPERM 2: wait… it can’t be…

[they gaze up at an enormous IUD]

SPERM 2: we were sent here to die…

SPERM 1: damn you! damn you all to hell!!

oh wait. “Rohirrim” is supposed to sound like a horse’s whinny huh

you can really see the power of the bees wings here

you don’t hear much about people getting blown to smithereens anymore

my desert. my arrakis. my dune

apologies to iOS but i have never once wanted to “copy subject”

humor is such an unserious concept

pattern-recognizing brain encounters an unexpected pattern? time to produce serotonin and do social bonding

what the heck is this thing. does anyone actually know

i had to look at this for 5 seconds to find the close button

how did you sleep last night?

going to a protest, shouting “SHEEV PALPATINE” and seeing how long it takes for someone to notice

extremely cat-shaped cat

you should be trying to get your resting heart rate up. it’s either going up or down and if it hits zero, you die. best to have some headroom

tweets posted moments before disaster. i couldn’t fall asleep all night

oh you’re a detective? name three things you detected this week

oh no

good night. i peeled and froze a bunch of garlic and wrote some code today. tomorrow will be a good day