"9021Pho" is the worst restaurant name I have ever heard.

You ever have one of those power hours of internet where you troll and alienate more people than you ever thought possible.

My unfortunate concept of breakfast is a 12 OZ can of coke & a cigarette at 2PM

People with those phone cases that double as wallets give me anxiety.

Just caught a bum reading over my shoulder on the bus, I wonder if he likes Henry Miller as much as I do.

Tmrw after our Com Truise show, catch the #LilDeath crew at thelashsocial for the afterparty 🔥⚰️🔥

You ever just think & ask yourself, "why the fuck am I at Rhonda?"

I fucking love the gays lol

Master of None S2 is brilliant. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I wish there was someplace I could get a haircut at 1AM cuz this whole waking up before 2pm thing just isn't working out for me.

How does she afford her Rock & Roll lifestyle?

So incredibly excited about life RN

How do guys in fedoras still exist

Is there a polite version of "fuck you, pay me?" Or should I just call the cops

TFW ur Mom comes to ur happy hour DJ set

Relationship goals: Rick Moranis & Sigourney Weaver circa Ghostbusters II

DJing an art show for first Thursday to a bunch of old ladies and realized I've coined a new genre: Dad Goth.

Outside smoking & somebody thought I was the door guy. #StillGotIt ?! Lol

My Lyft just got pulled over by a cop 😡

This is the part of my night where I get really weird on coffee in anticipation of the 250 or so people I'm about to feed.