the hokey pokey is a metaphor for life, teaching you that new experiences and taking risks is like adding flavor to life’s bland lemons.

it seems counter intuitive but I always learn more from a fiction book rather than a nonfiction book

messed around and got a piano in my apartment

and to my favorite child, I pass on my prized possession - the TI-84 Plus Silver edition. May it guide you well.

sitting aisle seat so I’m drinking as much water as I can on this flight

I hate tiny pieces of garlic like bro you’re not worth my time to get all that skin off

I need to audit my tupperware cabinet

my dog has big vibes

hey guys what’s going on tod-

how much do you normally leave as tip?

WFH con: no more free snacks from the office WFH pro: I can now eat snacks I actually want to eat not sure which one outweighs the other

best meal of the day?

the older you get the sooner you do your dishes after you eat

every commercial I hear nowadays “2020 has been the worst goddamn year ever.... but this great lease deal on a brand new Chevy Impala is going to change everything”

if the coronavirus has taught us anything it’s that if there were a zombie outbreak we’d be so screwed

what do dogs think about elevators

u up rn?