Delighted to announce that The Everlasting Book Tour launches at Wigtown Book Festival on October 2 before touring - you're probably ahead of me here - everlastingly. tickets.wigtownbookfestival.com/sales/events/f…

I've been accused - by enemies of great literature* - of starting the recent fire on Arthur's Seat. This is a scurrilous lie. Read the attached piece. See? Exonerated. *My book. Buy here and burn in the comfort of your own home: booksunbridled.bigcartel.com/products

As with all the best writing, this tweet is as relevant now as the day it was written. Yesterday.

We at the Edinburgh International Code of Conduct Festival believe that freedom of speech is destroying the arts as mindless entertainment. What do we want? A clampdown! When do we want it? Now!

Slight Rewrite: What do we want? A clampdown! When do we want it? As soon as our huge grant from the Scottish Creative Industries is confirmed!

I know I wrote this, but I started reading it for the first time and I think it's the funniest book ever written. Prove me wrong. I can take it.

Nice to see a middle-class white boy winning the Edinburgh comedy award. Long overdue. Slight oversight on the potty training. But still.

Cruel business, comedy. By this time next year he'll be cleaning the gentlemen's urinals at Ward's Irish House in Piccadilly. And glad of the work.

The Edinburgh International Code of Conduct Festival finished on Sunday. Or did it? We don't know. Why? We, hereinafter referred to as the organisers, decided to exclude ourselves to counter possible accusations of wrongthink. You can't be too careful these days.

Nobody has gainsaid me on this, so I take it we're all in agreement.

The Edinburgh International Code of Conduct Festival has been accused of receiving 'a huge start-up grant' from the so-called Scottish Creative Industries. Accused? Surely this is a cause for celebration. Artistic conformity - that's where the big money is.

I see John Boyne Books is shortlisted for a major French literary award. I too. I too. Bonne chance, Jean*. As I appear to be up against Iúdit Ní Buitléar, however, my chances of winning are probably slim to slimmer. *Misgendering? Heaven forfend. It's French. For John.

Ian Macpherson, Ali Whitelock and myself are doing a poetry/comedy/literature thing. Sun 21st Sep. 2pm in Glasgow. Click through to find out all the exciting details and for tickets! tickettailor.com/events/thesupp…

According to Ewan Morrison 'The post internet era has begun. The net has been taken over by bots. Time to get ready to walk away from the net and to communicate and make culture more directly.' Perfect timing for The Suppression Cabinet. tickettailor.com/events/thesupp…

"And all our best women are silenced." - Me

Apocalypse Ho, Jeeves! PG Wodehouse: A Class Warrior Silenced imacpherson.substack.com/p/apocalypse-h…