burnt toast is so fucking good. come on.

should i start liking my own tweets

i should stop thinking about people. i want to live on a very small island.

spend 40 minutes thinking about a snack only to have my appetite reversed, complete 180, by a cursed thought that enters my imagination

it just dawned on me that my chicken bacon pinwheel from 4:30 didnt even have bacon in it. it didnt have bacon. no memory of bacon being in my pinwheel. none in it. my pinwheel.

My coworker has his doctorate and i spent ages 18-23 smoking weed resin. College is a scam

exes and boxes baby

I don't think I can even express in words, just how powerful KFC new Secret Recipe Fries are. We may never know what the secret recipe really is (and maybe it's for our own safety) but I can tell you what's so special about these fries in my new review! youtu.be/9CSFz91BSLw

i cleaned my room and sorted all my clothes and not a single person cares. i just want to talk about it

who is your favorite painter out of the catalan modernisme movement

"any time there are tokens involved, youre not married."

your honor, my client only did that because he thought it was funny

Why do we love Steely Dan so much? Because Steely Dan answered the question “What if the most talented band in the world, sucked complete ass?”

How deep are your sweatpants pockets? Is your phone REALLY safe?

Ask yourself for two seconds are you cringing or astral projecting. Be honest because I think u know the answer.