So I never forget how amazing this last week has been 😁 A bronze medal, a tonneee of incredible new friends, and memories to last a lifetime ❤️ Huuuuge shout out to Tom for the tatt design, I love it 💕

Also, someone pls explain what's INSULTING about being called a SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR. What's next? RANDOM PRESENT GIVER?

I would normally be happy to find icecream in my fridge, however when a cup of cream falls over, goes everywhere and freezes, less happy...

Making tea. No sugar in the sugar jar. Open bag of sugar. Pour bag of sugar into teacup. Realise mistake. GG brain

First trip into town on my bike, first bus driver to pull into my lane like im not there 🖕🏽

3 miles from home the e bike stopped working, one exhausting walk back, plug it into the charger, instantly back to full power and charge...

WHY U DO DIS, ELECTRICS

@Tanklessjungle ABroToThePast I googled 'nut types' to come up with some fresh puns, and this is what google gave me. gg

guy hanging around came up to me at the bike racks in a full tracksuit, asked me the value of the electric parts on my bike...

...and then started texting when i went into the shop, safe to say thats the quickest i've ever shopped and the most obvious thief...

Brother: "Macaulay Culkin, was she the girl who got abducted?" Me: "No, that was Madeleine Mccann" ....

Great work from the Notorious Barrick Boys on Facebook here #BritishThreatLevels

I didn't vote today, I was cast off the register when i moved 300m down the road, wish i was notified before i got to the polling station...

Old Twitter vs New Twitter

World's most dangerous door discovered at Vauxhall tube. via @paddyoclery

Brother Salmon couldnt remember the north korean leaders name, so called him Kim Jong 3

VAMOS!! x.com/GarbiMuguruza/…

Father - (news) "They found 2 people in a glacier, who have been missing since 1942!" Brother - "So were they dead or alive?" I swear...

In our back garden in St Annes this morning - beautiful isn't it? My son @tom_salmon_ took the picture and others.

Damn you, warm weather. Damn you.