Please get vaccinated.

I love to party*

*watch a Finnish procedural while sipping a large glass of water

Gwen Stefani was right, this shit is bananas.

3 deaths have been linked to getting vaccinated and 4.23 MILLION deaths have been linked to NOT getting vaccinated. It’s so hard to decide.

My favorite hobby is to hop onto a website, put a bunch of things in the basket, look at the total, then delete that tab and never think about it again

If you don’t have anything nice to say come sit by me I have pool water stuck in both ears

For you Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

People think Australian culture is about mateship and and lamingtons and stuff but mostly it’s about having to turn off wifi and use data in your own home

ran one errand today and now I can move to Florida to retire.

I had no adverse reactions after my second shot although I do have a dance background

I no longer get up to investigate strange noises. It’s whatever.

First in person therapy session in a year, feels good to be off the zoom

Prince George and Princess Charlotte after the monarchy is abolished.

I’m so grateful we have Oprah bc otherwise Barbara Walters is retired and who else would do interviews like this? Ell*n would try to scare Meghan and James C*rden would make her sing from a car.

Nothing screams drug dealer more than a matte finish European car.

After a year of self-reflection and isolation, I can say with confidence that I've grown and become a worse person, but with very clean hands.

Why is the divorce rate among socks so high

As my pool man left I waved and then accidentally blew him a kiss. There’s no way I can ever come back from that. It’s like calling the teacher mom. Except who blows kisses!

A love story for the ages - Happy Valentine's Day @ChrissyTeigen!