FB Marketplace is unhinged

If you're ever feeling useless, just remember that the average human body contains enough fat to make seven bars of soap.

Hey. You. Wash your ass.

Best scene

I can fix her

By age 70, you'll have shed about 105 pounds of dead skin cells - nearly a whole corpse worth of you, just sprinkled around like human parmesan.

In your lifetime, you'll produce about 40,000 pounds of poop—enough to fill a U-Haul truck or 250 kegs of beer. Cheers? 🍺💩

This is exactly what it's like if you call me.

#ValentinesDay is coming up! Remember, a romantic 10-second kiss transfers 80 million bacteria from 700 different strains. 💋💕 It's the gift that keeps on giving, especially to your immune system. 😚 #fact

and they said the perfect valentine didn't exist

Hey. Does a werewolf keep his human dick or does it change into one of those lipstick dog dicks?

It's always the people you most suspect.

Forget the flowers and candy. This is what women want for Valentine's Day.

It's that time again. #RejectedCandyHearts Happy Valentine's Day! 🤘💀💕

I hope everyone gets to enjoy a little romance tonight. Also, St. Valentine was tortured and decapitated. #ValentinesDay

This is a crime scene, and I can no longer comprehend the evil that people do.

On a scale of 1-9, how are you feeling today?