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Every day can have the spirit of a summer Friday if we just try hard enough

“Stick to finance tips don’t talk about XYZ” meanwhile everything in this life can be traced back to money

“Tomato recall classified as deadly—” I JUST WANT TO BUY GROCERIES THAT I CAN EAT, CHEW, AND SWALLOW

Dressing up as an office siren should mean walking into work and hitting an air horn

Watching two globally powerful figureheads beef with each other like high school girls in homeroom was not where I thought this world was going but here we are

Reading about the messy intimate power breakup between a car billionaire who’s failing to launch rockets into space and the President of the United States

TSA urging everyone not to use their Costco card as a REAL ID LMAOOO

A man in a meeting on the subway talking about raising some noise around his startup, brother it’s time to think about lowering the volume

Oh but Jan 6th was a “day of love”…sure

The troop deployment is costing us $134 million. But tell me again about how little kids don’t need a free lunch program?

Getting a flight that takes off on time nowadays is like winning a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory

Hey just saying I think using federal agents to forcibly remove a SENATOR from a press event for *trying* to ask a question is not giving “land of the free”

The June gloom is really setting in

I go offline for a few hours and I miss everything what does “if it’s not clocking to you and I’m standing on business” mean

Meta adding ads to WhatsApp is going to wreak havoc among the uncles and aunties. Can you imagine them navigating through a video about whole body deodorant

In America the president’s family company sells citizens a $499 wireless mobile plan with a gold phone because why not

“I asked ChatGPT” “I asked Grok” well I asked my mom and as expected, she knew the answer

Con Edison with emphasis on the Con

Apparently the last boat to watch this season of Love Island is leaving now. Should I hop on this journey? Please advise

Is it getting hot in New York or is the city just feeling my presence