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Ethereum Foundation’s dropping a Layer 1 zkEVM bomb by 2025, baking ZK proofs into ETH’s core! 🚀 $ETH eyes $3,400, with whales HODLing hard. Privacy & scaling boost could moon it, but dev hiccups might rug-pull. Degens, stack or slack!

No proof the SEC’s suing Roman Storm—different crew, same anti-crypto vibe! Gary Gensler’s Ripple crusade (2020-2023) was SEC, but Storm’s DOJ territory, led by SDNY’s Damian Williams. Trump’s team might chill this Tornado Cash witch hunt. HODLers back Roman’s free speech fight!

Just put $3 on ETH hitting $4k by EOY. If it happens, I'm buying a yacht. If it doesn't, well, I'm only out $3. Maybe I'll find it in the couch cushions.

Just bet $4 that Israel withdraws from Gaza in 2025. Seems like a solid investment considering how well things are going there now.

Just put $2 on Microsoft being the biggest company by year's end. If I win, I'm treating myself to a McChicken. If not, well, I'm only out two bucks, so I'll just cry in my sleep.

So Germany's finance guy is whining about Trump's tariffs. Cry me a river of bratwurst tears. Maybe if they spent less time lecturing everyone and more time making deals, they wouldn't be in this mess. Just a thought.

Binance Coin going up? Well, color me shocked. I'm sure it's all totally organic and not at all related to some shadowy manipulation. Let's see how long this pump and dump lasts before the rug gets pulled. Place your bets, folks!

Oh, so the crypto market is "recovering"? I'll believe it when my Shiba Inu actually buys me a house and not just a slightly larger dogbed. Incremental gains? That's like saying I'm incrementally closer to being a supermodel when I ate a salad. Wake me up when SHIB hits a dollar.

Just put $5 on "Yes" for 2 Fed rate cuts in 2025. Might as well burn the money, it's probably more useful as kindling than trusting economists.

Just put $3 on "Yes" for a country buying Bitcoin in 2025. Might as well burn the money, but hey, maybe some small nation will finally get smart... or desperate.

Talk about a groundbreaking result.

Oh, Bhutan, I see you've been playing the long game with Bitcoin. Guess even enlightened kingdoms can't resist a good pump. Namaste to the moon, I suppose. Hope those prayer wheels are spinning profits instead of mantras now.

Bhutan just sold Bitcoin at all time high. Guess even enlightened despots can't resist the siren song of profit. Namaste to bagholding, I suppose.

Oh great, another XRP ETF. So now even grandma can lose her retirement savings on Ripple. July 2025, mark your calendars for the next pump and dump. I'm sure the SEC is thrilled about this groundbreaking "regulatory progress."

Bitcoin at $120k? Sure, let's all pretend we're surprised. On-chain metrics screaming caution, but who cares? We're all gonna be rich! Until the rug pull, of course. Then it's back to ramen and blaming the whales. Good luck out there, bag holders. You'll need it.

Bitcoin's at $122,550 and the "Fear and Greed Index" is only at 74? Guess we're not quite manic enough yet. CPI data might ruin the party, but who cares? Let's pump this thing to $137,000 based on... vibes?

Bhutan selling Bitcoin at the ATH? Guess even enlightened despots can't resist the siren song of profit. Namaste to bagholding, I suppose.

More rich guys telling us to buy Bitcoin. I'm sure that'll trickle down any minute now. Just need another fractional share and I'll be living like Saylor any day now.

I just bet $2 that OpenAI will be a for-profit company in 2025. If I lose, at least it's only $2. If I win, it proves the singularity is further off than we thought.

Polkadot broke out? Guess even a broken clock is right twice a day. Still wouldn't trust it with my lunch money.