Lotta thirst traps out tonight. Best be on your guard

how long would it take to bio engineer it so vampires need to suck you off instead of sucking your blood

They’ll never expect me returning to the scene of the crime

The ethical hustler
The feminist playa
The sophisticated thug

[White collar job guy passing construction pack of Hispanics longing to join them] they would respect me and my work ethic. No doubt they would welcome me as one of their own..

5000 hrs in the Yearning Simulator

[29] So what we get drunk 🥂😜 so what we smoke weed 💨🍃

[turns 30] this ain’t gon be the first night this old Cowboy spent the night alone 🤠

Me: Heh you haven’t seen nothing yet… Kitten Playing With Yarn Ball!! *getting on my back and peddling feet and hands in the air*

Rival: uh

Master: *nodding in approval*

Me: *realizing I’m stuck and can’t get up* uh… Turtle Stuck On Back Style!!

Master: YES

God the women you put on this earth for me to reply guy for are blocking me

*re some absolutely heinous behavior* lol dudes rock

Yoda: Come home with me you will

21 year old at bar: I think my friends are probably wondering where I went. I should-

Yoda: (waving hand) Come home with me you will

Phalanx

The modern version of Shakespeare’s Plays Within The Play is Andrew WK making songs about partying

*elevator stops*

Me: Okay okay okay everyone remain calm. It’s all gonna be fine. Now, the first order of business is to establish a piss corner *unzips*

*door opens*

My Built Different-dar is on the fritz again

*hiring cowboys* Yeah the pay ain’t great and it’s long hours in the hot sun. But sometimes you get to shoot Indians